The Mothering Marathon (Thanks a Bunch!)
It’s Christmas at my husband’s work today. You know, one of those “work” days when you have an extended lunch break for the exchange of secret santa presents and a bbq, and then it’s off for drinks mid afternoon. When I was teaching, the end of the year meant lots of gifts from students, Christmas cards in childish scrawl, and best of all – letters of thanks from parents. Those letters meant so much to me that each year I stuck them into a scrapbook.
As a full-time mum though, December is not marked by corporate gifts, Christmas bonuses or letters of gratitude. At the end of my first year of mothering I had a bit of a meltdown. When my hubby came home late after the annual Christmas drinks I lost the plot. “Where’s my Christmas party?!” I shouted at him. “Where’s my pat-on-the-back, three cheers for Cath, thanks a bunch for a job well done? I want thank you letters!”
Full-time mothering is a tough gig. As a teacher I paced myself based on the school year. The end of each term was a check point on the way to the finish line, and completion of the race was cause for celebration. I expected being a mum would be much the same, but I was wrong. This is a different kind of race entirely. It’s a marathon! One year ends and another starts without any pomp and ceremony for mothers.
There are two things I’ve decided to do about this problem. One helps me, and one helps others. The first is to adjust my check points along the race. I’ve made Mother’s Day my annual thanks a bunch occasion rather than the end of the year, and my kids’ birthdays are special markers too. My husband knows how important Mother’s Day is and makes a special effort! The other thing I’ve decided to do is to make sure I give my mum friends a pat-on-the-back, just in case they’re having an end of year meltdown too. And to my mum friends who, like me, have set aside their love for teaching in order to dedicate themselves to their own kids – I’m sending them a letter.
I always enjoy reading your blog, but this one struck a particular chord with me.
Since Betsy was born I’ve struggled with the lack of recognition for what is ultimately the hardest and most important thing I’ve ever done. Inevitably, I’ve also struggled with the subsequent guilt at having had such feelings.
Perhaps it’s because my husband seems to have three every year…apparently it is an absolute necessity to have one for the region, one for the station and one for the office. I’m not greedy….I only want one!
The crazy thing is that I love not working! I have no desire to return to my ‘pre-children’ full-time work life. I value the time spent with my kids far more highly than any token pat on the back from my work…..so why do I want it so badly?
It was with a sigh of relief that I read this latest instalment. I still wish I didn’t crave the recognition, but it has given me comfort to realise that I’m not the only one who does.
I know I was one of those Mum’s that gave you a card to say a huge thank-you for teaching my son Joshua in Year 1. You were such an amazing teacher and have left such an impression on him. He still tells me that Mrs O was his favourite teacher!!
The demands of motherhood are certainly exhausting and sometimes seem thankless and never-ending.
But I know the delight my boys display when I arrive at school for parent help; tell them I’ve baked their favourite cookies for afternoon tea; cheer them on at swimming carnivals; have an open house for any of their friends to visit; treasure hunts on birthdays and christmas morning; having a “Hot Chocolate Date” with each son individually every week. This all takes time and effort and hard work but I believe these are the memories that they will carry throughout their lives. I have vivid memories of my childhood and my mum investing so much time into us girls and I want to continue this tradition with my boys.
There is no greater vocation than motherhood!
Love the blog – brings back memories for me!
Thanks Gwenda. You were always a great encouragement to me as a teacher, and now you are encouraging me as a mum! I saw a photo of the school captains for 2009 last week. Way to go Josh! (PS – I’m so going to have hot choc dates with my boy too).