Bribery or Strategy?

My daughter is going to be a flower girl on Saturday, so we headed off on a mission to find gold sandals to go with her gorgeous dress. Unfortunately she was less than impressed about trying on multiple pairs of shoes, and it didn’t take long before she announced her need for a trip to the toilet. I sighed, hid the most promising pair of shoes under the rack, put her own shoes back on and dragged her out of the store. The toilets of course were miles away, and when we got there she didn’t need to go any more. I made her sit there until she did something! By then the baby was crying and we all wanted to go home, but there was no way I was leaving without gold sandals.

As we headed back to the shoes, we passed a donut stand. Without hesitation I did something out of the ordinary and stopped to order a donut. A big one. With Icing. And sprinkles. I knew it was blatant bribery but I didn’t care. That donut was my ticket out of the shops.

We returned to shoe shopping with the donut bag sitting temptingly on the pram. I assured my daughter that she could eat the donut when we got home if she was helpful with trying on shoes, and did what she was asked. I also made it clear that I would very much enjoy the donut myself if she chose not to cooperate. We got the job done eventually, but I really had to hold that donut over her little head. In the end we shared it. She had tried hard, but I didn’t want her to think her performance warranted the whole donut!

I wondered as I drove home whether I had sunk to a pathetic low with my parenting skills, or whether I had been quite clever. Is bribery always inappropriate, or can it be a useful strategy if carefully managed? Perhaps the frequency with which it is used is significant. If I used it as a strategy too often it would lose impact, and besides – I don’t want my kids to think they will always get a reward for doing what is expected of them. On a rare occasion however, I think it works , well… a treat.

What do you think…? I’d love your comments.