I told everyone when I fell with my first child, I couldn’t contain such happy joyful news. The same with my second, we were delighted that our son might have a close brother or sister, but at 15 weeks we suddenly lost him. My doctor suggested that I call him Phillip, as he and his wife had done when they had lost their little miscarriages. I fell again soon afterwards, and this time I was a little nervous, I never expected my body to ‘let me down’ with a miscarriage, so I was apprehensive. The pregnancy went ok, but not the usual kicking and moving. I was carrying her differently too, so didn’t worry too much, although in the back of my mind something was wrong. At 19 weeks, she stopped moving. I went for a scan a few days later, and sure enough, she had died in vitro. An unholy HOWL came from me, ripped out, as the doctor doing the scan looked at the screen, and said. “It’s dead” or words to that effect. It was like being underwater, his words were muffled, but we all knew the shocking result. I had to have a labour, and before they whisked the baby away I insisted on a photograph, and what sex it was. Sure enough, a girl, grossly deformed and monsterish. I named her Sarah, after my ancestor who lost 8 babies to miscarriage. It seemed apt. I had to go home then to our darling happy, bright, cuddly son. I couldn’t hold him for 2 days. I then began to doubt my ability to even carry a child. Perhaps we were to be a single child family? I couldn’t bear the thought, remembering the fun I enjoyed in a large boisterous family of five. The forth time I fell pregnant, I told everyone, again, to give me strength to ‘hang in there’ and 9 months later our lovely boy slid out, looked around, and began to breastfeed. He is now 20, and always a delight. I now joke that I don’t make very good girls, just perfect sons. And that suits me just fine. To anyone who had lost a child through miscarriage (25%) I hold you in my arms. Please name them, and remember them, but try not to dwell, life goes on. Somehow, and surely, one foot in front of the other, but it does go on. Blessings.

Wow… thanks for sharing your story Patty. Bless you heaps. xx

Thanks for sharing your experiences Cath and bringing the topic into the open.