A Sense of Self

FLASHBACK FRIDAY!  Originally written:  August 2008

I am currently typing this article on my brand new shiny purple laptop because I had to sell my yellow car. Don’t quite follow? Read on…

It all came about because we are expecting our second child very soon. I always knew that my zippy little yellow hatchback wouldn’t cut it with two kids, and that I would eventually inherit my husband’s very sensible, very safe and practical silver sedan. I just didn’t expect to be so upset about the transition.

I don’t cry easily, even pregnant. So I caught my husband (and perhaps even myself) a little off guard when I cried a fountain of tears over saying goodbye to my little yellow car. It wasn’t that I desperately loved the vehicle. It was more that I loved what it represented. It was one of the last reminders of the girl I was in my pre-mum days. That car was a little piece of me on the road. Joyful, carefree, bold, with heaps of get-up-and-go. It was easy to drive and a dream to park. In my little fun-buggy I could go anywhere, do anything, and be completely independent. I felt like I was farewelling a part of myself as I farewelled my yellow car.

It seemed I had gone from having a colour-filled life to a life of grey. I cried my heart out and said to my husband, “I have your hand-me-down car, your hand-me-down computer and your mobile phone! There’s nothing left of ME anymore.” To his credit, my hubby was incredibly understanding. In fact he was the one who suggested the new laptop. Somehow he understood my need to retain a sense of self.

Don’t get me wrong – I love being a mum. It’s just that it’s important to me to remember who I am aside from being a mother. I will only be “Mummy” for a season. When my children one day grow up, and leave home, I don’t want to wonder who I am! So I need to keep some things in my life that remind me of who God created me to be. Joyful, carefree, bold, with heaps of get-up-and-go. Hence the shiny, purple laptop.

I use my computer daily. It’s my primary writing tool, my letter box, my 24hr help line and my link to the outside world. And I smile every time I use it because it’s so ME.

Dell Inspiron 1525 in Blossom